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What do ravens do?

"As behavioral ecologists, we try to reveal rules of behavior as though we were discovering truths.  In reality, the word 'rule' as applied to animal behavior is a verbal shortcut.  A 'rule' means nothing more than  a consistency of response.  It is not adherence to dictum.  Animals adhere no more to rules than we do by showing up at the beach when its 110 degrees but not when it's 30 degrees.  Rules are the sum of decisions made by individuals that are then exhibited by crowds, not vice versa.  Rules are thus a result.  They are the average behavior that we and many animals are programmed with, learn, or make up as we go along."

This is a cogent quote from Bernd Heinrich's book Mind of the Raven (1999, Ecco books), which I was given as a birthday gift.  The idea was that I would like to read about the various capabilities of ravens, relative to our informal and even formal ideas about what 'mind' or 'consciousness' mean and how we might know, and whether these interesting birds might have it, whatever it is.

However, the quote I've given is more than just the author's views on what ravens' internal experiences might be.  It applies to much that we have to deal with in science--at least, in biological and behavioral sciences themselves.  I've used it because I think the observation also applies to something I've been writing about in recent posts--related to what may seem to be a very different topic, whether life is parametric or not.

The physical world seems to be parametric, that is, driven ultimately by some universally true processes, like gravity, that are in turn reflections of underlying, universal, fixed parameters, or numerical values.  Of course, 'numerical values' refers to human-derived mathematics and science, and might, from some wholly different point of view, be differently perceived or characterized.

But to us, phenomena like the speed of light, c, and various quantum phenomena etc., have fixed, universal values.  The value is the same everywhere, even if its manifestation may be modified by local circumstances.  For example, c is specified as in a vacuum.  Whether or not there exists any true total vacuum, the idea--and the belief in its universality--are clear and important bedrock aspects of physics, chemistry, and cosmology.  In some other substance, rather than a vacuum, the speed of light is altered in an orderly way.

But what about life?
We can ask whether, while life is a physical and molecular phenomenon, it is part and parcel of the same parametric cosmos, or if it has exceptions at the level at which we want answers to our basic questions.  That would be analogous to physics adhering to a dictum, in the raven quote.  But maybe life is not analogous to a vacuum.  This, at least, is what I mean by asking whether life is a parametric phenomenon, and expression doubts that it could be so.

An a priori reason, in my mind, is that life is a molecular process of regular molecular activity (genes, proteins, and so on), but it evolves because the specifics are different--they vary.  Without that, there would be no evolution, and organismal complexity, and the underlying genetic and proteinic complexity by which life, and its interacting ecosystems have come about, would not be here.  In that sense, I think it is appropriate to suggest that life is not a parametric phenomenon.

This, to me, is not the same as saying that life is a kind of self-organized complexity. It certainly is that, but the phrase misses what I think is the underlying fact, which is that life is not parametric.  Complexities like the mandelbrot set (figure below) are parametric: they repeat the same phenomenon in an evermore complex but always rigorously.  This is a form of 'complexity' but it is very rigorously regular.  Life is, if anything, rigorously irregular, among individuals, populations, species, and the structures within each of those.

Mandelbrot set.  From Wikipedia entry
Many people have written about life's complexity with analogies to things like the Mandelbrot set and many others of the sort.  But while that sounds as if it acknowledges the complexity of life, it really is an implicit hunger for just the opposite: for regularity, tractability, and 'parametricity'.   I think that is at best an ad hoc approximation but theoretically fundamentally wrong.

The consequences are obvious: we can describe existing data by various statistical and even mathematical data-fitting procedures.  But we cannot make predictions or projections with known 'precision' and indeed that is why I think that rhetoric like 'precision genomic medicine' is strictly an advertising slogan, scientifically misleading (and culpably so), and misunderstood by most people even those who use it, and perhaps even by the NIH that proffer it as a funding or marketing ploy for its budgets.  It is a false promise, as stated (saying instead that we want funds for research to make medicine more precise by including genomic information would be honest and appropriate).

Heinrich's description of ravens' behavior seemed an apt way to make my point, as I see things at any rate, clear by an easily digested analogy.  Some ravens did what they were seen to do, but that was the net result of what some observed ravens did on some occasions, not what 'ravens do' in the parametric sense.  The ravens are not all following a rule and even the 'consistency' of their responses is not like that (different ravens do different things, as Heinrich's book makes clear).

We want rules that explain 'truth' in genetics and evolution.  We ought to be able to see that that may be a misleading way to view the nature of the living world.  And, seeing that, to change what we promise to the public and, as important as what we promise to them, to change how we think.

Or, as quoth the raven: nevermore!

Spooky action at a (short) distance

Entanglement in physics is about action that seems to transfer some sort of 'information' across distances at speeds faster than that of light.  Roughly speaking (I'm not a physicist!), it is about objects with states that are not fixed in advance, and could take various forms but must differ between them, and that are separated from each other.  When measurement is made on one of them, whatever the result, the corresponding object takes on its opposite state.  That means the states are not entirely due to local factors, and somehow the second object 'knows' what state the first was observed in and takes on a different state.

You can read about this in many places and understand it better than I do or than I've explained it here.  Albert Einstein was skeptical that this could occur, if the speed of light were the fastest possible speed.  So he famously called the findings as they stood at that time "Spooky action at a distance." But the findings have stood many specific tests, and seem to be real, however it happens.

Does life, too, have spooky action? 
I think the answer is: maybe so.  But it is at a very short distance, that within the nuclei of individual cells.  Organisms have multiple chromosomes and many species, like humans, have 2 instances of each (are 'diploid'), one inherited from each parent.  I say 'instances' rather than 'copies', because they are not identical to each other nor to those of the parent that transmitted each of them.  They are perhaps near copies, but mutation always occurs, even among the cells within each of us, so each cell differs from their contemporary somatic fellows and from what we inherited in our single-cell beginnings as a fertilized egg.

Many clever studies over many years have been documenting the 3-dimensional, context-specific conformation, or detailed physical arrangement of chromosomes within cells.  The work is variously known, but one catch-term is chromosome conformation capture, or 3C, and I'll use that here.  Unless or until this approach is shown to be too laden with laboratory artifact (it's quite sophisticated), we'll assume it's more or less right.

The gist of the phenomenon is that (1) a given cell type, under a given set of conditions, is using only a subset of its genes (for my  purposes here this generally means protein-coding genes proper); (2) these active genes are scattered along and between the chromosomes, with intervening inactive regions (genes not being used at the moment); (3) the cell's gene expression pattern can change quickly when its circumstances change, as it responds to environmental conditions, during cell division, etc.; (4) at least to some extent the active regions seem to be clustered physically together in expression-centers in the nucleus; (5) this all implies that there is extensive trans communication, coordinating, and physically juxtaposing, parts within and among each chromosome--there is action at a very short distance.

Even more remarkably, I think, this phenomenon seems somehow robust to speciation because related species have similar functions and similar sets of genes, but often their chromosomes have been extensively rearranged during their evolutionary separation. More than this: each person has different DNA sequences due to mutation, and different numbers of genes due to copy number changes (duplications, deletions); yet the complex local juxtapositions seem to work anyway.  At present this is so complicated, so regular, and so changeable and thus so poorly understood, that I think we can reasonably parrot Einstein and call it 'spooky'.

What this means is that chromosomes are not just randomly floating around like a bowl of spaghetti.   Gene expression (including transcribed non-coding RNAs) is thought to be based on the sequence-specific binding of tens of transcription factors in an expression complex that is (usually) just upstream of the transcribed part.  Since a given cell under given conditions is expressing thousands of condition-specific genes, there must be very extensive interaction or 'communication' in trans, that is, across all the chromosomes. That's because the cell can change its expression set very quickly.

The 3C results show that in a given type of cell under given conditions, the chromosomes are physically very non-randomly arranged, with active centers physically very near or perhaps touching each other.  How this massive plate of apparent-spaghetti even physically rearranges to get these areas together, without getting totally tangled up, yet to be quickly rearrangeable is, to me, spooky if anything in Nature is.  The entanglement, disentanglement, and re-entanglement happens genome wide, which is implicitly what the classical term  'polygenic' essentially recognized related to genetic causation, but is now being documented.

The usual approach of genetics these days is to sequence and enumerate various short functional bits as being coding, regulatory, enhancing, inhibiting, transcribing etc. other parts nearby.  We have long been able to analyze cDNA and decide which parts are being used for protein coding, at least. Locally, we can see why or how this happens, in the sense that we can identify the transcription factors and their binding sites, called promoters, enhancers and the like, and the actual protein or functional RNA codes.  We can find expression correlates by extracting them from cells and enumerating them.  3C analysis appears to show that these coding elements are, at least to some extent, found juxtaposed in various transcription hot-spots.

Is gene expression 'entangled'?
What if the molecular aspects of the 3C research were shown to be technical artifacts, relative to what is really going on?  I have read some skepticism about that, concerning what is found in single cells vs aggregates of 'identical' cells.  If 3C stumbles, will our idea of polygenic condition-specific gene usage change?   I think not.  We needn't have 3C data to show the functional results since they are already there to see (e.g., in cell-specific expression studies--cDNA and what ENCODE has found). If 3C has been misleading for technical or other reasons, it would just mean that something else just as spooky but different from the 3D arrangement that 3C detects, is responsible for correlating the genomewide trans gene usage.  And it's of course 4-dimensional since it's time-dependent, too.  So what I've said here still will apply, even if for some other, unknown or even unsuspected reason.

The existing observations on context-specific gene expression show that something 'entangles' different parts of the genome for coordinated use, and that can change very rapidly.  The same genome, among the different types of cells of an individual, can behave very differently in this sense. Somehow, its various chromosomal regions 'know' how to be, or, better put, are coordinated.  This seems at least plausibly to be more than just that a specific context-specific set of transcription factors (TFs) binds selectively near regions to be transcribed and changes in its thousands of details almost instantly.  What TFs?  and how does a given TF know which binding sites to grab or to release, moment by moment, since they typically bind enhancers or promoters of many different genes, not all of them expression-related.  And if you want to dismiss that, by saying for example that this has to do with which TFs are themselves being produced, or which parts of DNA are unwrapped at each particular time, then you're just bumping the same question about trans control up, or over, to a different level of what's involved.  That's no answer!

And there is even another, seemingly simpler example to show that we really don't understand what's going on: the alignment of homologues in the first stage of meiosis.  We've been taught that empirical and necessary fact about meiosis for many decades. But how do the two homologues find each other to align?  This is essentially just not mentioned, if anyone even was asking, in textbooks.  I've seen some speculative ideas, again involving what I'll call 'electromagnetic' properties of each chromosome but even their authors didn't really claim it was sufficient or definitive.  Just for examples, homologous chromosomes in a diploid individual have different rearrangements, deletions, duplications, and all sorts of heterozygous sequence details, yet by and large they still seem to find each other in meiosis.  Something's going on!

How might this be tested?
I don't have any answers, but I wonder if, on the hypothesis that these thoughts are on target, how we might set up some critical experiments to test this.  I don't know if we can push the analogy with tests for quantum entanglement or not, but probably not.

One might hope that 'all' we have to do is enumerate sequence bits to account for this action-at-a-distance, this very detailed trans phenomenon.  But I wonder......I wonder if there may be something entirely unanticipated or even unknown that could be responsible.  Maybe there are 'electromagnetic' properties or something akin to that, that are involved in such detailed 4D contextually relativistic phenomena.

Suppose that what happens at one chromosomal location (let's just call it the binding of a TF), directly affects whether that or a different TF binds somewhere else at the same time.  Whatever causes the first event, if that's how it works, the distance effect would be a very non-local phenomenon, one so central to organized life in complex organisms that, causally, is not just a set of local gene expressions.  Somehow, some sort of 'information' is at work very fast and over very short distances. It is the worst sort of arrogance to assume it is all just encoded in DNA as a code we can read off along the strand and that will succumb to enumerative local informatic sequence analysis.

The current kind of purely local hypothetical sequence enumeration-based account seems too ordinary--it's not spooky enough!

Is life itself a simulation of life?

It often happens in science that our theory of some area of reality is very precise, but the reality is too complex to work out precisely, or analytically.  This can be when we decide to use computer simulation of that reality to get at least a close approximation to the truth.  When a phenomenon is determined by a precise process, then if we increase the complexity of our simulation, and if the simulation really is simulating the underlying reality, then the more computer power we apply, the closer we get to the truth--that is, our results approach that truth asymptotically.

For example, if you want to predict the rotation of galaxies in space relative to each other, and of the stars within the galaxies, the theories of physics will do the job, in principle. But solving the equations directly the way one does in algebra or calculus is not possible with so many variables.  However, you can use a computer to simulate the movement and get a very good approximation (we've discussed this here, among other places).  Thus, at each time interval, you take the position and motion of each object you want to follow, and those measures of nearby objects, and use Newton's law of gravity to predict the position of the objects one time interval later.

If the motion you simulate doesn't match what you can observe, you suspect you've got something wrong with the theory you are using. In the case of cosmology, one such factor is known as 'dark matter'.  That can be built into models of galactic motion, to get better predictions.  In this way, simulation can tell you something you didn't already know, and because the equations can't be directly solved, simulation is an approach of choice.

In many situations, even if you think that the underlying causal process is deterministic, measurements are imperfect, and you may need to add a random 'noise' factor to each iteration of your simulation.  Each simulation will be slightly 'off' because of this, but you run the same simulation thousands of times, so the effect of the noise evens out, and the average result represents what you are trying to model.

Is life a simulation of life?
Just like other processes that we attempt to simulate, life is a complex reality.  We try to explain it with the very general theory of evolution, and we use genetics to try to explain how complex traits evolve, but there are far too many variables to predict future directions and the like analytically.   This is more than just because of biological complexity however, in part because the fundamental processes of life seem, as far as we can tell, inherently probabilistic (not just a matter of measurement error).  This adds an additional twist that makes life itself seem to be a simulation of its underlying processes.

Life evolves by parents transmitting genes to offspring.  For those genes to be transmitted to the next generation, the offspring have to live long enough, must be able to acquire mates, and must be able to reproduce. Genes vary because mutations arise.  For simplicity's sake, let's say that successful mating requires not falling victim to natural selection before offspring are produced, and that that depends on an organism's traits, and that genes are causally responsible for those traits.  In reality, there are other process to be considered, but these will illustrate our point.

Mutation and surviving natural selection seem to be probabilistic processes.  If we want to simulate life, we have to specify the probability of a mutation along some simulated genome, and the probability that a bearer of the mutation survives and reproduces.  Populations contain thousands of individuals, genomes incur thousands of mutations each generation, and reproductive success involves those same individuals.  This is far too hard to write tractable equations for in most interesting situations, unless we make almost uselessly simplifying assumptions.  So we simulate these phenomena.

How, basically, do we do this?  Here, generically and simplified, but illustrating the issues, is the typical way (and the way taken by my own elaborate simulation program, called ForSim which is freely available):

For each individual in a simulated population, each generation, we draw a random number based on an assumed mutation rate, and add the resulting number and location of mutations to the genotype of the individual.  Then for each resulting simulated genotype, we draw a random number from the probability that such a genotype reproduces, and either remove or keep the individual depending on the result.  We keep doing this for thousands of generations, and see what happens.  As an example, the box lists some of the parameter values one specifies for a program like ForSim.



Sometimes, if the simulation is accurate enough, the probability and other values we assume look like what ecologists or geneticists believe is going on in their field site or laboratory.  In the case of humans, however, we have little such data, so we make a guess at what we think might have been the case during our evolution.  Often these things are empirically estimated one at a time, but their real values affect each other in  many ways.  This is, of course, very far from the situation in physics, described above!  Still, we at least have a computer-based way to approximate our idea of evolutionary and genetic processes.

We run this for many, usually many thousand generations, and see the trait and genomic causal pattern that results (we've blogged about some of these issues here, among other posts).  This is a simulation since it seems to follow the principles we think are responsible for evolution and genetic function.  However, there is a major difference.

Unlike simulations in astronomy, life really does seem to involve random draws for probabilistic processes.  In that sense, life looks like it is, itself, a simulation of these processes.  The random draws it makes are not just practical estimates of some underlying phenomenon, but manifestation of the actual probabilistic nature of the phenomenon.

This is important, because when we simulate a process, we know that its probabilistic component can lead to different results each time through.  And yet, life itself is a one-time run of those processes. In that sense, life is a simulation but we can only guess at the underlying causal values (like mutation and survival rates) from the single set of data: what actually happened its one time through.  Of course, we can test various examples, like looking at mutation rates in bacteria or in some samples of people, but these involve many problems and are at best general estimates from samples, often artificial or simplified samples.

But wait!  Is life a simulation after all?  If not, what is life?
I don't want us to be bogged down in pure semantics here, but I think the answer is that in a very profound way, life is not a simulation in the sense we're discussing.  For the relevant variables, life is not based on an underlying theoretical process in the usual sense, of whose parameters we use random numbers to approximate in simulations.

For example, we evaluate biological data in terms of 'the' mutation rate in genomes from parent to offspring.  But in fact, we know there is no such thing as 'the' mutation rate, one that applies to each nucleotide as it is replicated from one generation to the next, and from which each actual mutation is a random draw.  The observed rate of mutation at a given location in a given sample of a given species' genomes depends among other things on the sex, the particular nucleotides surrounding the site in question (and hence all sites along the DNA string), and the nature of the mutation-detection proteins coded by that individual's genome, and mutagen levels in the environment.  In our theory, and in our simulations, we assume an average rate, and that the variation from that average will, so to speak, 'average out' in our simulations.

But I think that is fundamentally wrong. In life, every condition today is a branch-point for the future. The functional implications of a mutation here and now, depend on the local circumstances, and that is built into the production of the future local generations.  Life in fact does not 'average' over the genome and over individuals does not in fact generate what life does, but in a sense the opposite.  Each event has its own local dynamics and contingencies, but the effect of those conditions affects the rates of events in the future.  Everywhere it's different, and we have no theory about how different, especially over evolutionary time.

Indeed, one might say that the most fundamental single characteristic of life is that the variation generated here today is screened here today and not anyplace else or any time else.  In that sense, each mutation is not drawn from the same distribution.  The underlying causal properties vary everywhere and all the time.  Sometimes the difference may be slight, but we can't count on that being true and, importantly, we have no way of knowing when and to what extent it's true.

The same applies to foxes and rabbits. Every time a fox chases a rabbit, the conditions (including the genotypes of the fox and rabbit) differ. The chance aspect of whether it's caught or not are not the same each time, the success 'rate' is not drawn from a single, fixed distribution.  In reality, each chase is unique.

After the fact, we can look back at net results, and it's all too tempting to think of what we see as a steady, deterministic process with a bit of random noise thrown in.  But that's not an accurate way to think, because we don't know how inaccurate it is, when each event is to some (un-prespecified) extent unique.  Overall, life is not, in fact, drawing from an underlying distribution.  It is ad hoc by its very nature and that's what makes life different from other physical phenomena.

Life, and we who partake of it, are unique. The fact of local, contingent uniqueness is an important reason that the study of life eludes much of what makes modern physical science work.  The latter's methods and concepts assume replicable law-like underlying regularity. That's the kind of thing we attempt to model, or simulate, by treating phenomena like mutation as if they are draws from some basic underlying causal distribution. But life's underlying regularity is its irregularity.

This means that one of the best ways we have of dealing with complex phenomena of life, simulating them by computer, smoothes over the very underlying process that we want to understand.  In that sense, strangely, life appears to be a simulation but is even more elusive than that.  To a great extent, except by some very broad generalities that are often too broad to be very useful, life isn't the way we simulate it, and doesn't even simulate itself in that way.

What would be a better approach to understanding life?  The next generation will have to discover that.

Çünkü...

Çünkü aslında korktuk sevmekten...

Lakin dualar ediyorduk mutlu bir ömür için.... Gelince, gülünce, sevince dört yanımızı huzur sardırabilendi  beklediğimiz... Yansın istedik içimiz, şükretmekti dilediğimiz. Kaderimizde yazılı olanla geçsin biçilen ömür, el ele gönül gönüle.... Vedalara veda edelim... Şarkılar söyleyip yazalım kalbimizin tek sahibine....

Çünkü yorgunduk ezelden...

Öncekilerden, önceliklerden... Sorumluluk zor işti, sorumsuzluk gibi bir seçenek de varken. Yaşanmışlıklar adasına sıkışmıştık, teknemiz yoktu, yelkenimiz yoktu... O adaya düşerken yanımıza alacağımız üç şeyi de almamıştık... Eeee biz zaten o adaya düşmeyi aslında hiç planlamamıştık.

Çünkü yaralıydık derinden...

Dünlerimizden, bugünümüzde olanlardan, yarınımız olacaklardan. Düştük, kaldırmak isteyen elleri tutamadık; tam kalkacakken bırakıverir diye. Sendeleye sendeleye kendi emeklemelerimizle öğrendik yürümeyi yaralarımızın kurumayan kanlarını el yordamı ile sile sile.

Çünkü güvenemezdik yeniden....

Önce yapamayız sandık. Alıştık sonra, öyle alıştık ki kendi kendimize başarabildiklerimize;  güvenmeye çalışarak geçecek vakte acıdık. Tek güvendiğimiz kale kendimize sığındık.

Çünkü çocuktuk hala...

Anne-Babamızın kanatları ile uçuyorken, bir uçurumdan aşağı salıverdik kendimizi elbet havalanırız diyerek. Bitmedi evcilik, bitmedi sonu mutlu oyunlar. Prenses olduk, gelin olduk, anne olduk... Sığındık tuğlaları gülücüklerden örülmüş evlere. Yemeğimizi aşka pişirdik, kahkakalar ile şenlendirdik sofraları ve uykulara huzurla yattık; melek kanatlarından yapılmış yatakların içinde.

Çünkü benim hala umudum var...

Nefret kuşanmış kalplere inat sadece severek...

Çünkü ben daha önce hiç vazgeçmedim!!!


''Paşa Gönlüm''



Ne günler gördüm ben, biraz dert biraz keder, yalancı sevdaları yaşadım birer birer...

#paşagönlüm yılları çürüttük beraber, bunca zaman sonunda birlikte büyüdük...


Bugün böyle: keyfine düşkün, yan gelip yatmaya meraklı, atmaya hevesli paşa gönlüm niyetine... 


Amannn ha adımlarımıza dikkat, kayar düşeriz mazallah... Adamlarımıza dikkat, iki kuruşluklar olmasın ömürlerimize musallat...


Aman diyeyim... Mış'lı geçmiş olsun zamanlar, di"ler uzak...


#ayselgürel kıvamında günler, azıcık deli, bolca duygulu, iz bırakan ve #kerimtekin tadında gelecekler gidişleri bile unutulmayan... Dilediğim kendime, dilediğim hepimize... 


Paşa gönlümün paşaları, vezir-i azamları, hasekileri, gözdeleri, cariyeleri, soytarıları ve nihayet kralı... Yeriniz geniş, sarayınız konforlu, hareminiz eşsiz... Bekleriz... 


Vizeniz bir bakış, bir kaç sözden ibaret, süresiz... 


Sonuçta biz, bu yaştan sonra kimi vezir kimi rezil ederiz, sizden öğrenecek değiliz....

''Evcil Öküz''



Ben bir hayvanseverim, evet evet bir hayvan severim... 

Dünya güzeli kedim Kaymak beni terkedince nasıl üzüldüm anlatamam. Sanki hiç terkedilmedim??? Aç mıdır, tok mudur, acaba biri bulmuş mudur?? Buldu bir hatun kişi onca yıllık emek demedi... Koynumda yatırdım da ne oldu???

Kedidir nankör falan demeyin fena bozarım, karga var bir de göz oyar ama onun da konumuzla alakası yok... Ondan sonra bir daha eve hayvan alamadım, sağın solun, komşunun, eşin, dostun kedi köpeğine musallat oldum. Kaymak'ımın sızısı dinmedi...

Tabi ki benim kedimden önce de hayvan beslemişliğim var... Mesela ben en çok evcil öküz severim... 

Karşına al bak... Bir nevi kara trensin sen... Otçuldurlar, en çok ömrünü yerler insanın... Sıcak kalplerde yaşarlar... Bölünerek çoğalır, nüfuslarını sürekli katlarlar... Ağırkanlıdırlar, yok yok bozuk kanlılar... Renkleri değişebilir, boyları, tipleri, kiloları değişebilir... Huyları değişmez... Farkı isimler konulabilir tabi ama bir genellemeye tabiler: Öküzler... 

Allaaamm nolur ruh öküzüm sandıklarımdan sakın beni, bir kuzuyum ben, başı büyük bozuklardan koru beni...

Hayvan severim, pek severim de, iki ayaklı olanları değil... Kedi olun, köpek olun,insan olamadınız madem... En azından olamasanız da örnek alın... 

Haaa pardon ya, siz ancak öyle mal mal bakın... Dağılalım arkadaşlar....

Saat bana 5 var... ''YAZ''



Yaz gelsin istiyorum doğrudur... Her mevsim güzel demeyin küserim... Yaz başka!!! O mevsimde doğdum, o mevsimde doğurdum, hep o mevsimde doğruldum... Kışlar bildiğiniz soğuk geçer ben de, aynaya bakasım gelmez... Sonbahar donuk ve yağışlı... Yaprak dökerim... İlkbaharın nazı var... Yer yer mevsim normallerinin üzerinde seyredip hedefe meylederim... Haziran gelince tamam... Temmuz benim cennetim...Ben Temmuz'da başka severim...

Size önerim... Zor değil... Eksilerinizi, eksikliklerinizi, kibirinizi, kininizi, öfkenizi, derdinizi, endişenizi koyun bavula geçtiğimiz kışa yollayın... Yağmur da biter, Mart da, çamur da biter, çamurlu olanlar da çeker gider nasıl olsa... Hazırlanmaya başlayın...

Ben hazır mıyım, daha değil, ama başladım...

Niyetim ciddi...

Bir gün gelecek nasılsa, beklediğimi söylemekten tereddüt ettiklerim.

Nerede, kimde doğduysa, nerede uyuyup, nerede uyandıysa, nerede doyduysa...

Ben bir rüyaya elbet gireceğim... Deniz kokusu üstümde, çiçek açar gülüşüm, Güneşi de yanıma alırım, kumdan evlerimin camlarına pembe panjurlar takarım... Turkuaza boyarım kapılarımı, bahçemde açar binbir renk, ektiklerimle doyarım... Soyunurum eskilerimi, umutlarla yıkarım, yenilerle kuşanır, melek kanatlarından taçlar takarım ❤️❤️

Yolda mıdır, geç mi kalır?? Uzun mudur yol, zaman mı alır??

Arkadaşım, olur da bulursan, ,iki kere tıklatıver kapıyı, ama sessiz sessiz, içerde kızım uyuyor... 1,5 kişilik bir hayat benimki, kalbimin en derininde bir masal duruyor...

Bir de bil, bilmem benden öncesini, fırtına mı, tufan mı, afet mi volkan mı?



Benden sonra sana hergün YAZ....







Arkadaşımmm, pardooonn...



Aslında o kadar da zor değil...

Atomu parçalaman, permütasyon hesaplaman, çok bilinmeyenli denklem çözmen, koordinat belirtmen, anlaşma maddelerini ezberlemen, kafiye tutturman gerekmez...

Evler, arabalar, pahalı hediyeler, lüks yemekler, ağdalı-süslü laflar, iltifatlar, sorumluluklar beklenmez...

Yalan söylenmez...

Nerdeydin, kimleydin, whatsapp'da en son ne zaman online'dın, niye bu hatunun fotosunu like'ladın, telefon çaldı niye açmadın, denmez...

Kurulu bir hayattı bundan önce bilmem kaç küsür sene, sakın değiştirme, istenmez...

Anne-baba severiz, çocuk bakmayı biliriz, yemeğin en alasını pişirilebiliriz, her ortama girer, her türlü eğleniriz, çalışır, paramızı kazanır, alışverişimizi kendimiz yaparız...

Sana ne kaldı ki... Bir duracaksın öyle... Sadece severek... Var olduğunu hissettirebilerek...

Düşecekse içimize kurt, aklımıza bin tilki, araflarında - zaaflarında tutacaksan, saklambaç oynatacaksan, konuşur gibi yapıp aslında susacaksan, arkadaşımmm pardon biii zahmet çekilir misin??? Senin yerine de ben mi kendimi seveyim??

Müsadenlee ben bi aklına bakıp kaçayım, peynirle mi yedin ekmekle mi, meze mi yaptın içkinle merak ettim, sorayım...

İyi ki Doğdun Gülse...



Bir arkadaşıma,gülen bir kıza doğumgünü hediyesi bu...

Zamanının çoğunda ama hayatının çok da içinde olamadığım bir arkadaşımın... Yaz dedi bana benim için... Düşünmeye başladım...


Sarı kız,

Senleyken yaşadıklarım, senin yaşadıkların... Bilemediğim çok şey vardı belki ama birden yazmaya başladım...

Şimdi duruyorsun ya ayakta sen inatla, inançla, dimdik...

Annen giderken kanatlarını bırakmış sana, ondan...

Çünkü anneler ölmezler... Kokunu özlerler, gece koynuna girerler... Uykun kaçarsa ninni söylerler... Hiç ummadığın anda aklına düşer, kalbini ısıtır, özlemle öperler... Çocukları ile büyür anneler...

Aynaya bak korkunca, anneni göreceksin, yansıyan görüntü sen değilsin, sen annenin en büyük eseri, tek mirası, annenin aslında ta kendisisin...

Bu yüzden kesişti yollarımız... Bu yüzden gördün sen bir anne nasıl sever... Nasıl seviyorsam ben kızımı, öyle seviyor annen seni... Belki de çoook uzaklardan bunları sana söyleyeyim diye yolladı beni... Dün senin doğumgünün değildi, bir "anne" doğdu dün... İyi ki doğmuş annen... ❤️❤️

İyi ki doğdun....

Bilmiyorum kim ama... Arkadaşıma....



'''Nereye koyacağım seni bilemedim, sevgili diyemedim, cesaret edemedim... Sandım ki sensin aşık olan, ben içimdekini söyleyemedim... En iyisi biz senle arkadaş olalım, arkadaş kalalım .... ''' mı dedin????

Niye??? Yemedi mi??

Olunur, olunur... Bizden çok iyi arkadaş olunur da canım günah be, seviyorsan git konuş bence...

Arkadaş arkadaş geçinirken biz, birkaç kendini bilmeze denk gelebiliriz...

Gel biz seninle, film izleyelim, gezelim, eğlenelim, maça gidelim, küfür edelim, uçağa, trene, gemiye binelim, sabahlayalım, ağlayalım, dertleşelim, kampa gidelim, bisiklete binelim, yüzelim, dans edelim, yemek pişirelim...

Oturup bir de karar verelim, neremize koyacağız kimi, nereye kadar iznimiz, çizgimiz...

Yapmayı beceremeyen sussun otursun orda... Arkadaşımmm, ben bir kalbine bakacağım, biraz kırık-dağınık ama fazlalıkları bir dışarı atalım, gerekli yerlere stentleri takalım, ilaçları bulalım, göçebelik sona erdi, yordu, bitti, ben artık burada yaşayacağım...

Masalın kahramanları....



Evin küçük kızı, büyük akıllısı... Annenin %75'i...

Pek anlaşamaz benle, benzemeyiz hiç birbirimize... Bankacı o, ağır, soğukkanlı, mantıklı... Kendimi anlatmama gerek yok herhalde... Pek de kızar bana... Bencilim tabi, o da haklı... Hayatının en güzel yıllarında ne yaşadıysam yaşattım ona da... Korkularımı üzerine saldım, sorumluluklarımı omzuna yığdım... Yordum, üzdüm, kırdım... Günah çıkarmıyorum şimdi, bilin istedim... En başa altın harflerle yazdım kızkardeşimi... Hem masalımızın, hem Masal'ın yılmaz, yıkılmaz, güçlü kahramanı o...

Bazen belli etmem, edemem... Ama çok severim ki ben... Arkamı dönüp gidemem... Bir yuva kuracak o şimdi, içim azıcık buruk doğru, ama tek dileğim... Çok mutlu ol e mi?? Bi de bil... belki yetmez gücüm, belki senin kadar güçlü değilim, belki güvenmezsin ama eğer kayarsa ayağın ben seni hep tutacağım... Düşme diye... Bilirim nasıl düşülür... İncinme... Kapım da açık, gönlümde, hep yerin var senin... Kalbimizin baş köşesinde❤️❤️❤️

Rare Disease Day and the promises of personalized medicine

O ur daughter Ellen wrote the post that I republish below 3 years ago, and we've reposted it in commemoration of Rare Disease Day, Febru...